Tumbleweeds
by Rinny Z
Summary: Another One-shot. Gaz POV. This has nothing to do with my other fic. O.o And this is my FIRST attempt at FORMAL ANGST. It's probably aweful. Prepare yourselves for the worst... Would you please read and review? It'd make me happy... :)


Whooaaa!!! :o  
  
I seem to have gotten some sort of... INSPIRATIONAL WRITING FRENZIE!! e.0;  
  
Okay.  
  
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN INVADER ZIM. If I did, I am sure I wouldn't be HERE, writing fanfiction. Like this. o.e;  
  
This is from Gaz's POV, another One-shot. Enjoy. :)  
  
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Tumbleweeds.  
  
Damn, this town has too many tumbleweeds.  
  
Why are there so many fucking tumbleweeds here!?  
  
Oh, look. There goes another.  
  
We are on the bus. On our way to Skool.  
  
I look out my window and see... _tumbleweeds_. So many. I don't remember there being this many tumbleweeds. Odd.  
  
Odd... tumbleweeds weren't always tumbleweeds, you know.  
  
Oh no. Once they where full, green, healthy plants, deeply rooted in rich soil. Beautiful plants.  
  
Until something came and ripped them out.  
  
Ripped them out, roots and all.  
  
And the plant was cut off from it's source of life, Earth, and died.  
  
Funny. In a way... some people are like tumbleweeds.  
  
I am like a tumbleweed.  
  
I remember... when I was younger.... so young! Only 3 or 4! How long ago was that? 6, 7 years ago? Ffft. Who cares? I don't.  
  
But still...  
  
I remember... not much, but still... I remember... _you._  
  
Mom.  
  
I remember your voice... kind of...  
  
I remember you smelled of peaches.  
  
Peaches. I despise peaches.  
  
I was little. I don't remember. When you left... I didn't know anything. I thought you where on a trip... that soon you'd be back, maybe with a small gift for us... and a hug....  
  
I saw you in that box... they lowered you down into the dank ground... Dad was gripping my hand so hard... it hurt...  
  
I called to you. _"Mommy, come back! Get out of that box, please!"_  
  
...  
  
Fuck.  
  
It's not fair. Dib knew you the most. I... didn't know you... at all.  
  
I don't remember what you looked like.  
  
Dad ripped all your pictures. Then he left too. He went to his lab, he forgot of us... he forgot you.  
  
I think the pain was too much for him.  
  
...  
  
Another tumbleweed! I swear, there are too many of those damn tumbleweeds here.  
  
Oh Mom...  
  
I prayed and you didn't come....  
  
Why?  
  
Why? I prayed and pleaded, an innocent 5 year old, sitting on her bed...  
  
_"Please... I want Mommy back. I want to be happy. I want Daddy to be happy... I want us to be happy again..."_  
  
But you where gone.  
  
I was alone, or as good as.  
  
I am alone.  
  
No one at Skool talks to me.  
  
My family ignores me.  
  
Or do I ignore them?  
  
I don't know... I am so confused...  
  
It hurts.  
  
Oh, everyone thinks I will grow out of this.  
  
They think it's a phase. Or that I'm 'trying to be cool'.  
  
Fuck them.  
  
They know nothing. No one knows anything about me.  
  
There are some things even I don't know about me.  
  
Some things I don't want to know about me.  
  
Oh God... someone help...  
  
Sometimes it gets so overwhelming...  
  
These feelings... or lack of them sometimes...  
  
No.  
  
These are my thoughts, my emotions, my problems.  
  
Sometimes I wish I was like all the other normal kids at Skool.  
  
Blissfully ignorant.  
  
Happy.  
  
But... I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't want it.  
  
I am different... sometimes I wish I'd die.  
  
Sometimes I feel like killing someone.  
  
Or killing myself.  
  
But no...  
  
Suicide is for the weak.  
  
I am Gaz. I am strong. Nothing will drive me so far as to kill myself, throw it all away, give up...  
  
I am like a tumbleweed.  
  
Mom... your death ripped our lives apart... out of the rich soil...  
  
And now we are here. Tumbling. Always tumbling. Carried on by the inconstant winds...  
  
...  
  
Oh look! There goes another tumbleweed.  
  
But now we are at Skool. Again.  
  
I hate Skool.  
  
I pause at the last step off the bus... and think...  
  
_Oh, Mom.... I want you to know... I wasn't always a tumbleweed._  
  
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Hmm... I dunno. O.o  
  
Don't ask. I am still new at this. I hope you enjoyed that. :)  
  
I think this time I really went for an angst fic. Yes, this was definitely an attempt at angstyness. o.o;  
  
So... please review. ;


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